The Best Brunch To Cure Your French Quarter Hangover

Your stomach and your dignity hurt equally, and all you want to do is snuggle up on the couch while your sainted mother delivers you toast and ginger ale. Unfortunately, Mom didn't come on this trip with you, and who are you kidding? Your voucher for couch-side service expired when you left for college. Still, something familiar and comfortable is what you crave, so make your way the Trolley Stop Cafe, a greasy spoon in the Lower Garden District. Ask for the Trolley Special for that classic breakfast fry-up: eggs, pancakes, your choice of breakfast meats, and potatoes or grits. (Go with the potatoes. You need the grease.)

You moved on from body shots to fine wines and craft beers years ago, but last night, you were laughing your way down Bourbon Street drinking something sweet and green out of a giant plastic cup shaped like an alien, and your head is not going to let you forget this mistake. The best thing to do is lean into your newfound youth, head to Elizabeth's, and order yourself a big pile of Bananas Foster French Toast and a salty-sweet side of praline bacon. All the sugar will get you feeling happy as a baby again, which should help you pull through for another (hopefully less wild) night on the town.

You forgot the old rule about alternating a glass of water with every drink, and you woke up completely desiccated. Your mouth is dry, your throat is parched, and your eyelids don't even seem to be opening and closing properly. Before you even attempt to consume solid foods, rehydrate yourself ASAP with a freshly pressed carrot-beet-orange juice at Surrey's Juice Bar. And don't forget a twist of tummy-settling ginger. Oh, and maybe three or four glasses of water as a chaser.

Seriously, if these so-called friends you came to New Orleans with don't take the volume down about eight notches, you are going to throttle them. And whose idea was it to do tequila shots? You could just end their miserable little life right this minute. Easy, tiger. What you need is a heavy dose of something protein-filled, carby, fatty, and delicious. Get to the meat-masters at Toups' South and take your rage out on a Poutine Po'boy. This monster of a sandwich comes with house-cured chicken bologna, french fries, gravy, cheese curds, and a couple of fried eggs for good measure. Boom, baby!

You woke up feeling AH-MAZ-ING. Maybe a little dizzy, but—whoa, hold up just a minute. You might not quite have it all out of your system. It happens. But you know a hangover is coming as soon as you come down, so best to avoid it as long as possible, right? Or at least wean yourself slowly. That means it's time for some hair of the dog that bit ya! Hit up Atchafalaya for an insanely extensive make-your-own-Bloody-Mary bar, where you extend your night in delicious style. Choose from classic red tomato or green tomatillo bases, and add whatever you fancy from a wild and ever-changing variety of mixers and garnishes: hot sauces galore, fresh and house-pickled veggies, olives, bacon, shrimp, crawfish, and whatever else suits the chef's fancy that week.

You woke up absolutely ravenous, threatening to eat the $10 packs of peanuts from the minibar if your friends didn't hurry up and get their shoes on already. Where are you headed? It has to be the spanky new Warehouse District restaurant and bakery, Willa Jean's. That way you can dig into the stick-to-your-ribs goodness of their crawfish and grits with poached eggs and biscuits. Might be best to order a few extra biscuits on the side, just in case. And some cookies. And maybe an entire loaf of fresh bread. Because your hanger knows no bounds.

Ooouch! Everything hurts. Your head, your stomach, every muscle. Even your fingertips and earlobes hurt. You can feel your hair growing and it's unbearable. What you need is water, a few ibuprofen, and a slightly spicy dish to kick all that dull pain to the curb. We're thinking the andouille hash cakes with eggs and cheese sauce from the local favorite Biscuits and Buns on Banks. This plate offers just enough heat to bring you back to life, but also plenty of stomach-coating fat and energy-fueling carbs. As any Southerner can tell you, a good biscuit (and these are great ones) is a powerful medicine unto itself.