It happens every year, without fail. Everyone promises to be on their best behavior at Thanksgiving. They swear they won't talk politics, or sports, or why — for the love of all things holy — your cousin Barb won't do something with that hair. And then, halfway through the lovely dinner you spent three weeks dreaming up and two solid days cooking, someone snaps ... and tempers flare.
Though St. Louis chocolatier Bissinger's didn't dream up its 3-pound chocolate turkey for this moment specifically, it's a godsend in those moments. When everyone's at each other's throats, and family togetherness is feeling a little too, uh, claustrophobically together, it's time to bust out the turkey. This 9-inch-tall bird's almost as big as the real thing, but it's far more satisfying, because (1) all that chocolate gives everyone a chill-out rush of endorphins, and (2) everyone can get out their frustrations by tearing it apart. Bring out the spoons, butter knives, miniature hammers — whatever you need to get the job done — and let people have at it.
BUY IT NOW: Centerpiece chocolate turkey, $75; Bissinger's
Each turkey will set you back $75, but considering what a quality box of truffles retails for, it's not that pricey for a head-turning centerpiece. Bissinger's sells about 800 of them each holiday season, amounting to 2,400 pounds of chocolate hitting dining room tables nationwide. The most impressive thing about this bird, though, is what goes into making it.
Each one's handpainted, giving the bird its detail — note the red chocolate snood and dark chocolate chest feathers — then the massive mold's covered in a thick coating of milk chocolate and sent to a Molded Spinner. The machine's a lot like a ferris wheel for choco-turkeys, using centrifugal force to evenly distribute the chocolate throughout the bird, so it doesn't look blobby and misshapen. Once the chocolate sets (about 20 minutes after its initial spin), it's ready to be wrapped and shipped.
If 3 pounds is a little too much bird for you to handle, you can also buy half-pound turkeys, which should be just as useful at keeping people's mouths stuffed if the meal veers into meltdown territory.
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