A Nutritionist Ranks Your Favorite Drunk Foods From Best To Worst

"The beauty is that it's surprisingly low in sodium."—actual quote from an actual certified, Grade A nutritionist! This is based on a medium serving, but you could order a small and/or be that jerk who asks for no salt to reap the admittedly meagre benefits. Plus, with the potatoes' potassium—again negligible, but we'll take what we can get—this is practically a Gatorade.  

Deep, Keri Gans-supported closing thoughts on drunchies: It's like "So what?" Eat what you want without going overboard, accept it, and move on. Until next Friday. 

Wrong (obviously), but you are getting some bone support from the mozzarella, and not incurring *that* much of a health penalty with the calorie count (fewer than 300, if you stick to one slice). 

This is like a burrito that hasn't achieved its final form yet, so not quite as damaging as it could be. The upside is that beef = iron, and there aren't so many fatty extras aside from the cheese. 

Because that way, at least death will come swiftly, rather than over years of pain and gradual immobility—if your apartment doesn't catch fire via singed noodles first. (This is not a convenience food for the intoxicated, seriously.) Still, "the only thing this has going for it is the calorie count. The sodium is beyond," Gans says. Meaning this will not help your hangover—or your subsequent crypt-keeper skin—one bit.