Grass
Kathryn WirsingThe smell of freshly cut green grass is one of my favorite smells, but I didn't expect to enjoy that smell in flavor form. I was wrong. The taste is a subtle mixture of that smell and a pleasant sweetness. Probably my favorite of the "alternatively flavored" beans.
Black Pepper
Kathryn WirsingI'm a big believer in "the more pepper the better" when I'm cooking, so I had high hopes for this bean. I'm happy to say it's a great one. It definitely has that tickle-your-nose quality of pepper and it lingers on the tongue in a not-unpleasant way. I remember reading about the Pepper Up Potion that Madam Pomfrey used to fight the common cold in the HP books, and I'd like to think this bean is the real-world equivalent of that great idea.
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Dirt
Kathryn WirsingIt wasn't immediately apparent what this flavor was exactly, but I knew I'd tasted it before. It wasn't the worst thing in the world, but it wasn't what I'd call enjoyable. When I cheated and looked at the guide, I recalled my days of eating dirt as a child—a flavor memory many of us share. If you care to be reminded, this is the bean for you.
Sausage
Kathryn WirsingThis bean should be good. Everybody loves sausage. Harry Potter loves sausage. But I found a wrinkling of the face happening despite my protestations. An audible "blech" escaped my mouth. The smokiness is there—it creeps up into your nose like a sausage should, but the aftertaste .. shudder ... I feel like Bertie Bott failed me. He failed us all.
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Earwax
Kathryn WirsingThe bean that broke Dumbledore's Bertie Bott's strike isn't the worst bean on this list, but it's not what I would choose to erase the memory of the experience. I wouldn't claim to know what earwax is supposed to taste like, but this bean tastes kind of like Vaseline smells. No, thank you.
Soap
Kathryn WirsingAnother flavor that conjured up instant memories—I am not too proud to admit that my grandmother definitely washed my mouth out with soap a time or two. However, these were definitely not memories I was eager to revisit.
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Booger
Kathryn WirsingLet's face it: we all know what this flavor is supposed to taste like. Everyone has had a bad cold, after all. However, I might actually prefer a cold to this truly upsetting bean. I wanted to spit it out almost immediately and had to floss to make sure every remanent was removed as soon as possible. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised, but yes, this bean is as terrible as it sounds.
Vomit
Kathryn WirsingThe bean that caused Dumbledore to swear off Bertie's beans for a good portion of this life more than lives up to its name. It's even more upsetting because it's a deceptively pretty bean. And while miraculously I didn't actually get sick when I tasted this guy, the smell that lingered on my breath and hands was more than enough to swear them off for good. I should have known to trust Dumbledore on this one.
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Rotten Egg
Kathryn WirsingI should have been better prepared, but I really wasn't. It was inevitable that one of these "alternatively flavored" beans would make me physically gag, but I assumed it would be the aforementioned vomit flavor. But no, it was rotten egg that did me in and I'm still traumatized. It tastes exactly like a rotten smells, but possibly worse. as I chewed I could only think, "isn't candy supposed to bring you JOY? What have you wrought JK? The answer: "Awful" personified as a bean. My face has never been so unattractive as I tried to fight the power of this bean's flavor.
Earthworm
Kathryn WirsingOfficially the bean that confirmed all my initial fears about this experiment. It not only evoked my second physical gag, but required a trip to the bathroom to immediately spit it out and gargle some mouthwash. My mouth literally rejected it. How to describe..."earthy" in the absolute worst way. Perhaps a hint of mold? I'm typing this and even the taste of pure Coca-Cola—may favorite thing ever—can't get the taste out of my mouth. Damn you, Bertie.
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