A Definitive Ranking Of Pop-Tart Flavors

Remember strawberry Nesquik? These taste like if you filled a Pop-Tart shell with a little bit of that and then left it in the sun to solidify for a bit. It's not a bad thing, it just...is.

Most anything chocolate chip cookie dough-flavored is going to taste good, but the Pop-Tart lends itself better to a fruity filling (with a few exceptions—we'll get to those). This one's good when extra toasty as it'll get meltier than the rest, but if you don't over-toast, it's just OK.

See above. Same here.

Some are of the opinion that any unfrosted flavor belongs nowhere on this list. I am not of that opinion. The blueberry is so sweet that the lack of frosting makes it bearable. And yet...it still has that classic Pop-Tart frosting aftertaste. Amazing!

A little spicy, a lot sweet, a bit doughy—not bad for a toaster pastry.

A limited edition treat that tastes so unlike anything else we get around PUMPKIN EVERYTHING time of year that I give it a middle ranking. It's more artificial tasting and yet somehow more satisfying? Pumpkin magic, I suppose.

Alright, alright, I know we just talked about this, but any Pop-Tart with strawberry filling (besides the strawberry milkshake one, gross) gets extra consideration. And this one is just yummy.

A more nostalgic play than anything else, these Oreo-ish guys have an A+ crunchy texture with a good amount of smooooth give in the middle in the way that only creme really can.

And so begins the heavy-hitters. Cherry Pop-Tarts taste like summer—like 2006 Katy Perry bops and Saturday mornings. So good. So good!

I know I said fruit reigned supreme here but some melty marshmallow and gooey chocolate all rolled up into a thing you can essentially roast without having to do anything related to a fire? That's good shit.

Raspberry Pop-Tarts are the most natural tasting of the flavors, which is a big plus, but not a huge one given that the beauty of these treats is their straight-up artificiality. Still, these go down like a linzer tart, and a really good one at that.

I'm sorry, but have you ever seen or tasted anything more emblematic of the '90s as a whole in your LIFE?

These get a little crunchy in your back teeth, which is a pleasantly nostalgic feeling, no? And who doesn't love the smell of cinnamon in the morning (...or very, very late at night)?

Listen, these just taste like my favorite side (jellied blueberries) which comes with my favorite dish (stuffed-to-the-brim blintzes) from my favorite diner (the Ritz) in my favorite state (New Jersey, of course).

Nothing comes close. Nothing even comes close.