Weird Designs: 10 (Mostly) Failed Food Inventions
Combined Hot Dog and Pretzel
Robert M. Kempher
1990
Some foods just taste so good together that you deserve to eat them simultaneously: peanut butter and jelly, cheese and crackers, bacon and eggs. But we're pretty sure that hot dogs and pretzels don't qualify.
In production? Yes. Auntie Anne's makes Pretzel Dogs, available fresh and frozen.
Carrot Nightlight
Henry L. Freund
1995
Eating carrots improves your vision. Using a carrot nightlight improves your night vision. Makes sense to us.
In production? Unfortunately not.
Design for a Cooky
O'Cal Hanson
1935
In many ways, Hanson's cookie designs serve as a great argument for proper oral hygiene.
In production? Nope. Hansen designed these for the Burry Biscuit Corporation, which produced Girl Scout cookies for more than thirty years. Still, they appear to have passed up the opportunity to make Facial Deformity Mints.
Hamburger Bun
Thomas H. Long, Winifred L. Reddick
1982
Now you just have to find a bear-shaped burger.
In production? No, although Arnold Burgers in Amarillo, Texas, makes their own teddy-bear buns. Close enough?
Readily Portable Burrito
Eddie L. Bernal
1983
Bernal's patent application speaks for itself: "The portability of the burrito product thus approaches that of an ice cream bar or a coated hot dog having a stick impaled in one end thereof, for example." Finally: a burrito almost as portable as a coated hot dog.
In production? Undoubtedly, at some state fair.
Thumb Lollipop
Frederick L. Craddock
1940
Craddock argues that this treat will discourage thumb-sucking, as to suggest that sucking on a thumb-shaped piece of candy would be more acceptable in public society.
In production? Sort of. A candy called Thumb Dippers also fits over your thumb, but is cylindrical rather than thumb-shaped. Also: you can dip the candy in flavored powders.
Pizza Cone with Filling
Joseph C. Eufemia
1984
Finally: a piece of pizza almost as portable as a regular piece of pizza.
In production? Yes. After pizza cones' success over the last several years in Brazil, Portugal, and Italy, they arrived in New York at K! Pizzacone in February, 2010, only to close the same year. Pizzacone, we barely knew ya.
Waffle
Richard L. Vitacco
1989
Because nothing says "Good morning!" like a rodeo peanut and his chickpea friends. Don't like waffles? You're in luck: Mr. Vitacco patented the exact same design — grid included — under the name 'Pancake.'
In production? No. Eggo occasionally introduces limited-edition designs — like Star Trek and Hannah Montana — but Peanut Cowboy hasn't been featured yet.
Magnifying Lollipop
Daniel G. Hart, Gary D. Weiss
2000
For the countless situations when you wish the terrifying monster in your food would look bigger than it really is.
In production? No. Make your own by holding a magnifying glass up to the worst image you can imagine, and then eat it.
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