Some people think of Trader Joe's as just another supermarket chain — a place to get eggs, milk, and bread so the family can stay fed (or something like that). Others, the TJ's obsessives, think of Trader Joe's as a veritable wonderland — a place that sells grub unlike anything you'll find anywhere else. You know who you are. And, no, we didn't steal your diary to write this.
1. Joe Joe's > Oreos
You don't think of Trader Joe's Joe Joe's as a knockoff, because that implies they're lesser than the original. And how can a cookie that's got a toucan for a mascot be less than anything? Joe Joe's don't mess around with foolish "Double Stuf" language; their originals pack so much cream filling, it feels like you're getting away with stealing. They don't mess around with too many insane flavors, either. They'll deviate from the classic, but only when it's worth it. (Candy Cane Joe Joe's addicts, you know what we're talking about.)
2. The thought of frozen food makes you cry … tears of joy.
If you never wanted to do anything but open a cardboard box and shove its contents into the oven for the rest of your life, you could still eat like a king. The bins in Trader Joe's freezer aisle seem bottomless, and you can't take home a bad meal. The best part: They're just unique enough to seem homemade. Mom never needs to know that your famous kale and spinach bites are actually store-bought … and that the measuring cups she bought you for your birthday are still collecting dust in your kitchen cabinet.
3. You'd rather drink at home because TJ'S booze is so cheap.
When Trader Joe's sensed its loyal following was growing weary of its Two-Buck Chuck (the brand's famous Charles Shaw line of wines that actually retails for a little over a couple dollars), they went and introduced something even better: Canned wine that rings up at a buck a pop. Why go to a bar to drink when you could do it fully pajama-ed on the couch?
4. Their samples are how you make it through a long shopping trip.
You're probably (OK, definitely) not planning on buying what they're shilling, but pigs will fly before you pass up a free Swedish meatball.
5. You have a million of their bags … because you forgot to bring your own every time.
You don't bring reusable bags to Trader Joe's for the discount. It's only a 10-cent reward for every one — although, like mom says, every penny counts. You BYO bag because Trader Joe's cares so much about limiting its paper usage. So when you forget yours, you better bet you're buying enough to cart your food home. Can't disappoint Big Joe.
6. The Fearless Flyer is your bible.
How else do you find out about the latest products before they blow up on Instagram?
7. Shopping in line is not a hassle. It's a sport.
When the end of the line is at the entrance to the store, you don't leave in a huff — you strategize. The tactic? Get in line immediately, shop the aisles as the line zigzags through them, and try not to piss off the people behind you too many times when you say, "Can you just hold my spot real quick while I run to get some bananas?"
8. The produce section on the weekend is scary.
You have thrown down for a perfectly ripe peach on a Sunday morning, and you regret nothing. Shoppers can get downright mean when the fruit and veggie stock gets low, but you'd rather risk a black eye than buy overripe, moldy mush from the corner grocer.
9. Cashiers who aren't wearing floral button-downs just don't seem as friendly.
For starters, you have to stare at them until you can decipher whether or not they work at the store or they just like straightening the cereal boxes. They always seem to catch you two seconds before you figure it out, as they spit out, "Can I help you?" 'Tude isn't even in a Trader Joe's employee's vocabulary — plus, no one looks menacing in a Hawaiian print.
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