Raise your hand if you've ever woken up surrounded by pizza boxes or Big Mac wrappers. (This is a safe space. And also the Internet. So we can't actually see you.) Let's assume everyone just sheepishly lifted their hand because eating while drunk is one of life's greatest pleasures. It's the calm before the storm — or the hangover — when everything seems like a wonderful idea and actions don't seem like they'll have equal and opposite reactions.
Alas, that's not the case. We're well aware of the obvious consequences (nice to make your acquaintance again, toilet bowl), but what about the not-so-obvious ones, like revealing your deepest, darkest personality traits based on what you choose to eat while totally wasted? We've got you covered there: Here's a totally scientific* look at how your favorite drunk food defines you as a human being. Choose wisely.
*Nope.
PIZZA = BASIC
There's a good chance you're eating your slice on the couch in yoga pants. And you're pretty much fine with the cliché because you'll get a totally relatable Insta story out of it. Lean in to the stereotype and pat the grease off the cheese (it amounts to about 40 fewer calories to run off tomorrow morning — per slice).
BURGER = RESPONSIBLE
Your friends may jokingly refer to you as "Mom" when you go out. Maybe it's because you carry snacks and Advil in your bag, or because you're always redirecting your Uber driver to The Golden Arches to make sure everyone has some food in their belly before passing out. While a burger might seem decadent, it's actually a pretty sensible choice: You're getting bread, meat, and (at least some) veggies.
FRIES = PEOPLE PERSON
Whether you want to or not, fries are designed to share. So by ordering them, you're opening yourself up to the possibility of friends flocking to your side to chat you up … and steal some fries. Don't bother acting annoyed — just order a large and enjoy the attention.
BURRITO = LIFE OF THE PARTY
It's no coincidence there are more Mexican food trucks than other kinds parked in front of bars. Burritos are the ultimate rally food. When you walk outside (get your hand stamped!), you're not ready to end the night. You just need some sustenance so you can keep dancing. Don't forget to add a splash of that hot sauce that's in your bag, swag.
ICE CREAM = KID AT HEART
Hitting the club with your squad is fun and all, but how much better does a build-your-own-sundae party sound to you? You could be yearning for life's simpler, less stressful years, or you could just still be obsessed with watching a swirl of soft serve come out of the machine. Embrace your inner tween and get the damn sprinkles.
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