There are certain offenses in life you can brush off—the close-talker who doesn't believe in toothpaste, the jammed vending machine that owes you a Snickers bar, the fact that Baby Geniuses 2 exists in the universe—but I draw the line at dismissing Fireball Whisky.
Sure, it's not the sort of booze that will earn you Instagram followers when you snap a photo of yourself sipping it in the Mumford & Sons-meets-J.Crew-catalog ensemble you especially picked out for your #OOTD post, but this isn't a drink for the Cooler-Than-Thou. This is a liquor for the masses—proven by the fact that its sales doubled in 2014, making it the fastest-growing major liquor brand in the U.S.—because it infuses everything with a sweet, cinnamon-y kick.
I used to be ashamed to enjoy it, feeling like every "Basic B*tch" stereotype out there, but then I had to admit: Some things just get even better when Fireball is added to the mix, like...
1. It makes apple cider live beyond the fall.
That cinnamon-spice flavor complements cider perfectly, and when you top the drink with a drizzle of caramel sauce, you've got a refreshing drink that will warm you from the inside. Seriously. Try it.
2. It makes hard cider even harder.
Hard cider gets even more intense when you add a shot of Fireball to it. The drink's known as "Angry Balls," and it's about to be your new favorite drink to order at the bar.
3. It can turn an annoying roommate into someone bearable.
If you're sharing four walls with an insufferable gremlin trapped in a human's body, take note: A round of shots could improve his or her mood dramatically. Maybe a few rounds, set to a so-bad-it's-good Sharknado watch-party-slash-drinking-game.
4. It makes UFC fights worth watching.
If you have to sit through them, you might as well have a shot.
5. It gives Cherry Jell-O a sick boost.
It sounds all kinds of wrong, but the two go together surprisingly well—the end result tastes a lot like Big Red gum. You could serve it like a classic Jell-o shot, or go Fireballs-to-the-wall with a big-batch shot that's served by the slice.
6. It gets you through office holiday parties.
The awkward small talk about the wonky office printer and whether Harold in accounting has been hogging all of the communal fridge space gets a whole lot smoother with a round of shots, shots, shots, shot-sh-shots! (But also, be wary of a second round, lest you wake up the next morning to an unwanted Snapchat stories.)
7. It somehow makes apple slices so much less lame.
If you think they're great soaked in vodka, you've got to try them in Fireball. Gummy bears too.
8. It can taste like a cinnamon roll.
One part Fireball to two parts cream soda, poured into shot glasses and topped with whipped cream—it's basically a liquid cinnamon roll.
9. It turns Pitbull and Flo Ride songs into an instant party.
Don't get me wrong—I harbor a not-so-secret love for both artists—but even the most Mr. Worldwide-averse can't help but shout "daaaaale!" after taking a shot.
10. It can be classy AF.
That Fireball-infused caramel sauce can step up a Banana Pecan Bread Pudding—and might just put your Auntie's recipe to shame.
11. It makes even the worst haircuts look amazing.
It can't fix that mullet your barber convinced you was very "Euro soccer star," but it can help drown your sorrows.
12. It can make you interested in politics.
When someone says Obamacare, Trump or—during the Republican or Democratic debates—take a shot. But maybe limit the drinking game to the first 15 minutes of the debate. You don't want to get sick.
13. Because, marshmallows.
Can you imagine s'mores—or hot chocolate—with these in them?
14. It powers you through a boring Super Bowl.
Or just Super Bowl parties in general, if you're not into football but know you couldn't handle the hardcore FOMO you'd feel if you didn't check out your friend's snack stadium in real life.
15. It steps up sangria.
With sliced peaches, mangoes and pineapple, it's a whole new way to enjoy the drink.
16. It's an actual breath-freshener.
Yours or the aforementioned close-talker's.
17. It instantly shortens award-show acceptance speeches.
After the winner has thanked God, it's just a litany of names you don't know until the musical score kicks up and plays them off stage. A Fireball-and-Coke or Fireball Raspberry-Lemonade passes the time smoothly.
18. It makes 3 a.m. tacos so much more delish.
It's why fourth meal always seems like the best meal. (Though you better not be drinking and driving. It's not cool. Ever.)
Like the great poet Kevin G once said, "don't let the haters stop you from doin' your thang." If you like Fireball, drink on—however you prefer it.
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