There's a lot to say when it comes to Bachelorette contestant-turned-BIP star John Paul Jones. The cartwheeling, chicken nugget-throwing, Ken doll-lookalike is one of the most relatable people to walk the beaches of paradise. The guy just wants to nap and eat some nuggets, you know? But this week's episode brings up a very important question: Does John Paul Jones...know how to eat?
Incident #1
The tacos. During week one of this summer's Bachelor in Paradise, Jane gave poor, sweet JPJ some very spicy tacos. Almost immediately, JPJ launches into a coughing fit then throws up said tacos. He remains a perfect gentlemen throughout, apologizing to Jane for throwing up mid semi-date and thanking her for the tacos.
Incident #2
His date with Tahzjuan. Not only did he break the cardinal rule of all Bachelor-related franchises, don't eat the date food, but he once again found himself in a coughing fit. Thankfully, he didn't throw up this time, but he did NOT have an easy time eating the chicken, despite assuring Tahz it is "real food."
This is when we learn he "has a really sensitive stomach." So, I'd like to take this moment to note that if JPJ has some sort of gastrointestinal-related issue the public is unaware of, I apologize for making fun of your difficulty eating. If not, WHAT IS WITH ALL THE COUGHING, BRO? Let's move on.
Incident #3
The chicken nuggets. Nuggs were a big part of Hannah Brown's season for some mostly unexplained reason. JPJ nomming on nuggets even became a meme, as shown below. However, since this is already a ridiculous piece that is mostly just a love letter to JPJ, I'd like to float a conspiracy theory.
In the "Men Tell All" episode, JPJ stole the hearts of many when he threw chicken nuggets into the crowd. Sure, he and Chris Harrison did eat a nugget together, and we do see him chew it. However...it takes him an awful long time to eat the nugget. Chicken nuggets don't take that much effort! He also ONE BITES it, which is a little alarming. Once again, does JPJ know how to eat?! We can't be sure.
Incident #4
The banana hold. One of the best things about JPJ is his still-preserved Instagram feed. It's mostly photos of his family and friends rather than #sponcon and #ads. What a gem. Anyway, that will become important in a second, but first, bananas. Look closely at the photo below—is that the grip of someone who has ever eaten a banana?! No. It's one squeeze away from becoming banana juice.
Incident #5
Like I said, JPJ's feed is pretty tame, which is how I stumbled upon this photo from February 2018. With it we have *some* evidence that JPJ does in fact know how to eat. Or at least how to cook. We'll give it to him, even though I have no idea where an orange would factor into the pasta dish he's preparing. (Note: My editor and the majority of our Delish Bachelor Slack room is convinced it's actually a lemon...which would make a lot of sense. We've reach out to JPJ for clarification and will report back.)
Another point for the yes column: Post-Jane incident, he took the time to tweet that he does actually enjoy tacos. The man has six tweets. This is a big deal, even if he is just trying to convince us he's not a happy alien sent down to BIP-land to eat tacos and nuggets and drink champagne.
The Verdict
I don't know, guys, it seems like a mystery. With any luck, we'll one day see footage of JPJ attending a Bachelor Nation wedding, calmly enjoying a piece of cake. Until then, we'll keep a close watch for any more evidence related to this he-is-a-robot-babe-who-can't-eat conspiracy theory. Love u, JPJ.
