It's almost National French Fry Day, you guys. And instead of celebrating in a more kinesthetic way (see: eating a lot of French fries), I am here today to talk to you about a more visceral kind of celebration. The celebration of knowing who you really are based on your potato preferences.
Without further ago, here's your French fry horoscope.
Capricorn: Steak Fries
You are larger than life in just about all the ways. You are relentless, ambitious, sensitive, and loud. You are a steak fry because steak fries are a lot, honestly. You're a lot. I love you, but it's true.
Aquarius: Waffle Fries
I won't go so far as to call you a shit-starter, but you are, like, totally the kind of person who insists she's good picking off everybody's plate before announcing to the table as the server approaches that you are actually in the mood for the meat platter for four. That's fine, but you knew what you wanted the whole time!! This makes you a waffle fry because waffle fries are bold and a little bit weird. Obviously.
Pisces: Shoestring Fries
You have a lot of feelings. I know! But you're more than equipped to handle them like a champ. That said, you're still a darling, precious lil bb, prone to break, and fall, and pile it all up until it's an impressive mess of, well, something. Do you not look at a pile of shoestring fries and relate?
Aries: Curly Fries
Hi, you crazy kid! Do I really have to explain why this makes perfect sense?
Taurus: Classic Fries
Solid. Dependable. Always. Forever.
Gemini: Tater Tots
While there were some Virgos in the office who fought me on whether tots should be included under the umbrella of French fries, any and all Geminis in the crowd will be chill with the categorization. You're not mad about a little something, are you? In fact, you're into change. You live for it.
Cancer: Garlic Parmesan Fries
This feels pretty self-explanatory again, but I'll bite: Cancers are layered and intense people. They require a challenge—they require more than just a boring fried potato. They require seasoning in life.
Leo: Sweet Potato Fries
I don't know if you know this, but Leos looove their attention. That's why they got along so nicely with Aquariuses. While those guys are disrupting dinner orders, Leos are plotting to be the only people at the table ordering something that makes no sense with anyone else's meal. More for yourself, my friend.
Virgo: Oven-Baked Fries
No fun at all.
Libra: Potato Wedges
I know, I know, you're into all things symmetrical and fair. What better to assuage that compulsion than a perfectly half-moon-shaped piece of potato? I mean.
Scorpio: Cheese Fries
Extremely in tune with your gut. And your gut wants cheese fries. Always.
Sagittarius: Crinkle-Cut Fries
You, too, love a little bit of symmetry, but you're not mad about some mess either. Crinkle fries are the embodiment of organized chaos—ups and down, deliciousness and weird mouthfeels. Wahoo!
