When my now-husband got serious about wanting to date me, he took me to Schenectady, New York's, finest: a Friendly's. I have no idea what we talked about that night (though he maintains I went on about feeling left out in high school — cute!), but I swear I can still see him pouring honey mustard into his crispy chicken wrap, asking for more honey mustard for his fries, knowing honey mustard was going to be A Thing between us from then onward, knowing he was all in on me for my dinner order alone — mozz sticks (cute!!).
Two years and at least a hundred Capitol Region restaurants later, he brought me back to Friendly's for our anniversary. For the honey mustard. For the memories! Nine years, maybe a thousand restaurants, and a still-new-ish marriage later, the thing we love to do the most together is eat. And we are happy. We are so, so happy.
None of this is to be annoying about how great Michael is or to be even more annoying about how #blessed I am, nor is it to say that every relationship that begins with happy memories around a meal is meant to last. You may very well be the kind of people whose very solid relationship is built around fitness or travel or those mesmerizing YouTube videos of different objects being crushed by compressors! And that's fantastic! It's just to say a mutual love of eating is invaluable when it comes to love itself. It's just to say that those who love to eat together, love to live together.
A quick poll of married friends confirms their relationships are steeped in decisions revolving around food. "What to eat is the decision you make most often as a couple," one newlywed friend explained. "So if you both don't like to eat or like to eat the same things, [I'd] think you'd basically be having a lot of small fights constantly."
Not only is that so deeply true, but it's also what encourages other kinds of productive food fights. Obviously, different people have different palettes, which means being with someone who loves to eat food you normally wouldn't lends to you trying — and ultimately loving — new things. I'd tell you about all the times Michael and I fought about me not wanting to go splitsies with him on something delicious and something fishy, but you'd roll your eyes and, plus, you already know how it ends: I've got two thick pieces of salmon for dinner marinating in this insaaane mustard-y, garlic-y, soy sauce as we speak.
Eating also establishes a level of intimacy between two people that nothing other than sex really does (unless of course you combine the two, which is relationship-strengthening in all sorts of other fun ways!!!). "Farting for the first time in front of each other, it's intimate," said a friend who insisted I quote her. "Anything that combines intimacy and gas is a foundation for a strong marriage."
She's ... not wrong. I could also tell you about all the times Michael and I — well. I just won't. But I'll tell you I feel more comfortable around him when I'm food-baby-full or food-related-sick than I am any other person on this planet. And if loving eating brings you so much closer to another human, think about what being gassy vulnerable with them can do.
Also important is the sense of accomplishment that comes with finishing a good meal with your person. Whether you're eating together because you are celebrating a major milestone (we ate delightfully thin fried zucchini straws the night we got engaged, in case you were wondering) or because you're distraught (we plowed through cheesy, savory crêpes after a family member's recent health crisis, FYI) or because you just got your shit together and made a really nice meal for once (we recently made turkey meatloaf and balsamic brussels sprouts that were fucking bomb, you know), there is validation in the process of eating as a unit.
That same satisfaction and those same memories just doesn't exist around other things you might do together as partners. Unless y'all feel that close after you pay your bills together or when you silently scrolling through Insta stories next to each other in bed for 45 minutes every night, eating with one another is the only way to get there. Eating is the shit that sticks.
Plus, isn't consuming all the foods just the funnest? And who doesn't love doing the funnest thing in the world with their favorite person on the planet? Does it not feel like your all-time favs have leaned in to doing exactly that and are so much better off for it? Lord knows Chrissy Teigen and John Legend (@god, PROTECT THEM AT ALL COSTS) probably swore to eat together forever in their vows. Ina and Jeffrey Garten and their kitchens are undoubtedly happier than any other couple ever and look how they spend their time. Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka are so smiley all the time and you just know that's because they are never not eating incredible things together!
I'm pretty sure I — someone who has been married a little over a year now — just got real preachy about love and relationships and even likened mine to Chrissy and John's at some point, which is honestly so gross and I apologize. But I also know that Michael and I are gonna crush our (honey) mustard-y salmon and buttery string beans in a few hours from now. And we'll talk about every part of our days over dessert. And we'll go to bed happy. And hungry. Always hungry.
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