A BBQ might sound like the last place on earth a vegan would spend their Saturday afternoon. But a Reddit user took to the platform to ask if he was wrong for not inviting his vegan friend in the first place.
According to the AITAH ("Am I the Asshole") post, the 28-year-old party host decided to throw a backyard BBQ to celebrate his recent promotion at work. And while he included "close friends and family" on the guest list, one pal in particular wasn't included in the invite: his vegan friend, Lily.
"Now, I'm not opposed to veganism, and I respect her choices, but I also know that she can be pretty vocal about it whenever she's around people eating meat," he argues.
"Every time we've had group events that involved food, Lily would always make comments like, 'Do you know how that animal suffered?' or 'I can't believe you're still eating meat in 2024,'" he continues. "For this BBQ, I didn't invite her because I figured she'd feel uncomfortable, and honestly, I didn't want to deal with the inevitable comments about grilling meat."
According to the post, the guests were quick to call out the host as "rude" and Lily herself asked why she wasn't invited. "I tried to explain that I didn't want to make her feel out of place, but now she's upset and saying that I'm excluding her just because of her dietary choices," the post reads.
Users were quick to the host's defense, arguing that it wasn't even about her veganism but that "he's trying to avoid [his] guests having to get a Lily meat lecture."
One user commented that the host should be honest with Lily and tell her that she wasn't excluded because of her veganism, but because she can't behave herself around people. Another person added that their own vegan friend "brings her own food" to events and even shares with others.
What Does An Etiquette Expert Have To Say?
So, is it okay to exclude a friend because of their dietary restrictions? According to Diane Gottsman, national etiquette expert and owner of The Protocol School of Texas, it's "always better to give them the option [of] saying yes or no."
"You definitely don't want to hurt feelings," she said. "If you choose to not invite them, you can say, 'I'm having a BBQ this Saturday and it's going to be ribs and brisket. I know you can't stand the smell of grilling meat. Pick a day next week you want to grab a bite and we will get together sans protein,' or something along those lines. Make it light and friendly."
"Don’t use their restrictions as an excuse to NOT invite them," she adds. "They will see right through it."
While Gottsman says that there's "no set rule" requiring a host to invite everyone and anyone they know—including those with dietary restrictions—if you do include a vegan or vegetarian friend (or someone with allergies or other restrictions) you should provide something for them to eat.
"If you invite them, it’s rude if you don’t accommodate—[to] at least to some degree—their dietary restriction," she said. "You can make a vegan casserole, or ask them to bring a favorite dish to share with the group. Whatever is most comfortable based on your relationship with the other person."
Would you invite your vegan friend to a BBQ?
