I’m on hour 33 of this season of Love Island USA with absolutely no regrets. Why? Because the show is like if a nature documentary about hot people was combined with the Super Bowl. It proves what I’ve known about love all along: All we want is someone who can make us a good cheese toastie.
What is a cheese toastie, you might be asking? If you’re from the U.S., as most of the Love Island USA Islanders are, you know it better as a grilled cheese. But since Love Island USA is the ultimate melting pot, there are a few Australian and British Islanders who have brought along a most precious export, the cheese toastie. Made perhaps most famous by former Islander Lochan Nowacki, the cheese toasties are infamously also known as “heartache toasties” as they have no fewer than three different cheeses, mayo, bacon, and truffle oil.
There’s a simple reason why cheese toasties are so crucial on the show: With limited ways to show affection the traditional way (with dates or gifts), the cheese toastie is the sole love language in the villa, along with avocado toast. There’s a great deal of bravado and showmanship with the making of the cheese toastie, standing hip to hip with your crush in the kitchen as you watch them confidently apply mayonnaise to bread.
And as much as iced coffee ritual is prized in the Love Island UK villa, the making of the Islander’s cheese toastie, can be thought of as close as they can get to being hunter-gatherers and bringing home a prized boar for their loved ones. In fact, as we get closer to the finale of this season of Love Island USA, one could say this villa-born love language is key to moving their relationships along, beyond all the grand displays of affection or words alone (because, as you’ll find, those can often be false or hollow).
If you were to apply the Cheese Toastie Test, it really shakes out, especially for the less-than-popular couples. Has Aaron made Kaylor a cheese toastie? Probably not, as he has only brought her tears. Kendall for Nicole? Doubtful! Rob for…anyone? Perhaps only for a snake. And it shows: each of these couples have either gone down in flames or are steadily being voted down to the bottom. But JaNa and Kenny? They’ve got the cheese toastie love language down pat. Liv (perhaps the most platonically beloved Islander possible) and…everyone? Queen of the toasties. Miguel and Leah? Miguel said it best: they go together like butter and toast.
Think of it this way, the first sandwich introduced to America was allegedly a tongue sandwich. And there’s a whole lot of tongues getting sandwiched together on Love Island USA this season. Coincidence? I think not.
If my predictions are true, the couples that cheese toastie together, stay together—and win that $100,000 prize. Who knows, perhaps this lesson can translate to your own love life: make someone you love (or want to love) a cheese toastie the next chance you get and you just might finish each other’s…sandwiches.
