You may not know Sonja Durham's name, but if you've ever blasted "Bad Romance," "Born This Way," or any other Lady Gaga song, then — albeit indirectly — you've known a little piece of her. She worked as an assistant to the singer, and over the past eight years, the two became best friends, working together through planning tours, album releases, even this year's Super Bowl halftime show.
In 2015, though, the duo faced their greatest challenge — Durham's breast cancer had returned, and it had spread to her lungs. She started treatment immediately, insisting on continuing work even as Gaga asked her to take time to focus on her health, Durham wrote in a blog post. As the cancer spread, the two supported each other: Gaga's song "Grigio Girls" is dedicated to she and her friends trying to be strong for Durham, and at Coachella, she dedicated an acoustic version of "Edge Of Glory" to her.
"My friend Sonja is very sick, and I love her so much, and if it's okay with you, I'd like to sing this song for her," Gaga said. "We all wish you were here with us."
They rooted and rallied for each other, but on May 19, Gaga had to say goodbye. Durham passed away "beautifully and peacefully" at home, her husband Andre Dubois posted online. Two days later, Gaga posted a photo of herself and Durham holding a balloon, candidly sharing what their friendship meant to her and how she's working through the grief in the kitchen.
"I'm in shock that I won't see her again until I pass too. I vow to be a little stronger everyday for her because that's what she would have wanted, I vow to be stronger for anyone who's lost somebody to cancer. I'm a part of that family now," she wrote. "I vow to be a warrior for her and be a voice for cancer patients so the world can continue to improve the dialogue and the fight. I loved her. I still love her. And I love so much her husband Andre, stepson Sante, and friends. I made them some food yesterday. I will keep cooking. Cooking my soul until it understands this."
Gaga filled steam tray after tray with food, topping them with notes of love and encouragement for Durham's husband and family.
"Take care of those who you love who are suffering," she wrote in a later post. "I think it helps us all to survive."
Though Gaga's known for her songs, performances, and costumes, she's grown up in a family of cooks. Her parents run Joanne Trattoria in Manhattan, and this past fall, her father released the Joanne Trattoria Cookbook.
"We had dinner as a family every night," writes Gaga, whose real name is Stefani Joanne Angelica Germanotta, in the book's forward. "The smell of a pot of fresh 'gravy' is one of the fondest memories I have from my childhood."
It's that foundation that Gaga's turning to right now, it seems, but it's more than just cooking; it's showing another person you care in a tangible, heartfelt way. As much as she's struggling with the realization that she won't create any new memories with Durham — a pain she shared in her Instagram tribute — she's finding strength and purpose by helping those she loves, who also loved her friend.
Fans and friends can send flowers to Durham's family through her Legacy page.
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