An Only Semi-Ironic Ode to the McDonald's McWrap (R.I.P.)

To the McDonald's McWrap (or Snack Wrap, for lighter days):

I actually ordered you a fair amount, mostly when I was on the road. I mistakenly thought your nifty cardboard container would be convenient for one-handed eating. 

I was wrong—that fucker was impossible to open. 

I ordered you because I thought you wouldn't get grease stains on my jeans. So in that, you triumphed. Unfortunately, I didn't take into account the gobs of Ranch dressing that fell from your poorly wrapped bottom. 

I'm sorry, jeans. I'm sorry, car.

I ordered you because you were "healthy." Well, healthier. 

(Again, Ranch dressing.)

Now, you are gone. That's okay. I'll just get fries next time. 

Which will also rub off on my jeans.

[h/t: Grub Street

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