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Looking for that perfect gift for your ex-lovers, enemies, and anyone else who's elicited sobs from you? A bottle of bitters made from your hard-earned tears is just the ticket, perfect for adding to all the old fashioneds they've been drinking while trying to forget about you.
Artists Sam Bompas and Harry Parr are hosting a London workshop where you can make bitters from your own tears (I'll be on the next red eye). These are the same guys who invented breathable alcohol, so you know they're legit. They plan to extract your teardrops, pasteurize them, and then transform them into bottles of cocktail bitters. Special drinks, candlelight, and especially moving classical music will be used to help open up those tear ducts. Or you could just eat a super spicy pepper.
Once you've wept a sufficient amount of tears, you can add aromas and flavoring to your (or your ex's) liking, and infuse them in a high proof spirit. A "festive" label is available for customization, so you don't even have to worry about gift wrap. Bompas & Parr's workshop will also teach you how to make "memento mori jewelry from the fine hairs on your head," so you'll have plenty of yourself to give to somebody else ... because none of this is creepy AT ALL.
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