At some point, it hits you: It's so much pressure to be so fabulous. You've barely finished your Crystal Ball Frappuccino when you realize you've got to 'gram that Cheetos popcorn. You practically had to fistfight a gaggle of 14-year-olds to score a ticket to the Museum of Ice Cream (but you did it, you pro), and you endured mom's 2-hour, aisle-wandering adventures in Sam's Club to score that massive unicorn float.
In those moments, when you just can't deal — either with yourself or other people, or both — there's a whole new kind of rosé. Launching this Sunday, Blasé is a pink wine infused with a jolt of activated charcoal, giving it an inky swirl as dark as your mood.
"Let's be honest: Trying to 'live your best life' is exhausting and anxiety-inducing," Blasé inventor and L.A. Wine Project founder Jason Martin wrote via email. "We start with grapes that have seen it all: drought, industrial pesticides, mechanical harvesting. Grapes that truly don’t have AF left to give."
So, basically, grapes that are just like you. Rather than confuse us with jargony descriptors and complex tasting notes, Martin cuts right to the point about Blasé's flavor, noting that it tastes "like all the rosés that have ever existed," which isn't to say it's bad. Or good, really. It just is.
Apparently, there's a hefty price to pay to sip liquid indifference: $99 a bottle. (Meanwhile, the brand's Beautiful & Damned rosé will only set you back $20, if ordered from lawineproject.com.)
Of course, if at this point you're in full eye-roll, let us point out the line's launch date: April 1. Happy April Fool's Day.
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