Starting May 18, Mondays take back their rightful place as my favorite day of the week. With the return of The Bachelorette, also comes the return of ALL THE FEELINGS. My initiation into Bachelor nation took place just last season with the "journey" of Farmer Chris, but even as a relative newbie, I know watching this show is all consuming. After just 20+ hours of viewing, I'm convinced Chris Harrison and I could discuss contestant conspiracy theories over a few cold ones like lifelong besties. Obviously, with this year's twist of TWO bachelorettes, I also have a stalwart opinion on who actually deserves to find love this season. #TeamKaitlyn. To prepare for the big premiere, I wanted to throw a watch party so "amazing" it would move Britt to tears. Oh,wait—that doesn't take much.
Clearly, this much crazy means we're drinking. So, I met with bartender George Carpenter from The Belfry in New York, and we created five cocktails to celebrate all the first impression rose drama you could possibly handle in 120 minutes.
The First Limo
Everyone wants to be in the first limo. Although I have no interest in knowing what goes on when you put a bunch of dudes in such an enclosed space, I always get so excited to watch the guys make their entrances. This chocolate cocktail with Kahlúa and Bailey's is the perfect blend of coffee and cream, and actually tastes like a smooth ride. What a shame that for many of the contestants, the smoothness stops as soon as they step out on the glistening pavement.
Recipe
Fill mixing tin with ice. Add 1 oz. vanilla vodka, 1/2 oz. Frangelico, 1/2 oz. Kahlua, ½ oz. Bailey's and 2 dashes of chocolate bitters. Shake until cold, and strain into martini glaze.
The First Impression
First impressions are important for the start of any relationship, but on The Bachelorette they are even more key considering mere minutes could decide if you're worth "forever." Whoever nabs that First Impression Rose is a likely contender for season favorite. Case in point: Britt. This cocktail's lemon and maple flavors are immediately soothing, and the dash of cayenne is totally memorable. All good first impressions have an element of surprise: this elixir tastes more like a cleanse drink than a cocktail.
Recipe
Fill mixing tin with ice. Add 2 oz. Lemon vodka, 1 oz. maple syrup, 1 oz. lemon juice and 1 dash of cayenne pepper. Shake until cold and pour into glass.
The Rose Ceremony
Every episode culminates with The Rose Ceremony: the sacred bestowing of flowers on those men most brimming with husband potential ... or really good jokes during confessional interviews. This two-ingredient pink drink with a lovely orange garnish is simple, as is the notion of the rose ceremony—though, it will undoubtedly be called the "most difficult decision ever." He without the rose goes.
Recipe
Pour 3/4 oz. Koval rose hip liqueur into a champagne flute. Fill with Prosecco. Garnish with orange peel.
The Britt Nilsson
Ah, the controversial Britt from last season of The Bachelor. Love her or hate her, one thing is clear: Britt Nilsson is gorgeous. They could put her face on an advertisement for Metamucil, and I'd buy it by the tub. Sweet honey bourbon, ginger beer and raspberry liqueur make for a stunning presentation, but don't forget the damn bitters. (Insert coy grin here.)
Recipe
Put 3 raspberries into glass and muddle. Add 2 oz. honey bourbon, 1/2 oz. lemon, and 1/2 raspberry liqueur. Fill with ginger beer, and add two dashes of bitters. Top with fresh raspberries.
The Kaitlyn Bristowe
We knew from day one that Kaitlyn was quick, ballsy, and a little bit of a wild card.
But those tears were real at her shocking elimination in Bali. It's only right she gets a cocktail with a kick, but also a soft side. Spicy jalapeño tequila and sweet white Curaçao give us the essence of multi-layered Kaitlyn.
Recipe
Fill mixing tin with ice. Add 1 1/2 oz. of Tanteo jalapeño tequila, 1 oz. white Curaçao, and 1/2 oz. lime juice. Shake until cold and strain into glass.
The Bachelorette Drinking Game
Cocktail menu complete, it's time to make a few pitchers of any of the above for a drinking game! Show time.
Take a sip when:
Anyone says these words/phrases:
-"Amazing"
-"Journey"
-"Here to find love"
-"The right reasons"
-"The wrong reasons"
-"Vulnerable"
-"Luckiest girl/guy in the world"
-"A hard decision"
-"Connection"
Take a gulp when:
-Britt and Kaitlyn exchange any surface-level pleasantries. Please. We both know neither of you wants the other one here.
-A contestant is referred to by his name and last initial. This season includes the gems: Ben H., Ben Z., Ryan B., Ryan M., Shawn B., or Shawn E. Drink up when one of these guys gets screen time.
-An introduction gimmick makes you cringe
-A bachelor lands a kiss. Two gulps if a Bachelorette initiates.
- The camera man catches any side glances or facial expressions that indicate there is WAY more going on than whatever a contestant just said or didn't say on camera
-A shirt comes off
-A Bachelor makes a dig at another guy in the house or threatens violence. We've heard rumors about this season ...
-Chris Harrison makes an appearance! Two gulps if you can predict what he's going to say verbatim.
Finish your drink when:
-You see food! (This is Delish, after all.) The contestants literally start drinking as soon as they arrive at the mansion. There have to be some carbs lying around to soak up all the alcohol.
-Someone cries. Unless it's Britt. We want you to make it through the episode.
-A Bachelorette or Bachelor claims to "know" something that is clearly based on speculation.
-Someone has a listed profession that cannot possibly be a real profession. Looking at you, Shawn E., amateur sex coach.
-Chris says, "This is the final rose."
The Bachelorette airs on ABC at 9 EDT/8 CDT.
